Because my husband loves me

Husband loves me very much.

I am very glad of that. The trouble is he loves my flab too.

Not too much of it, you understand, but enough to cuddle and get hold of. 'Women don't understand what men like,' he says. 

I suppose that's true. As I noted, it was men who grumbled at me last time I successfully lost weight. (I'm sure there are feminists out there objecting fiercely to my words but I am me and think and write like this and I am not above using my feminine wiles to get things done for me. But that's probably the subject for another post on another blog.)

I look in the mirror - on the rare occasions I dare - and I see my ugly white flabby belly and hips. I see nothing attractive at all. And I hate it. So when offered, for example, a piece of cake, I should have the incentive to say no ... but then I think, 'So what's a piece of cake? Husband loves me as I am,' and my hand reaches out and ...

Therein lies one of my problems.

Husband says, 'I will support you in your desire to lose weight because I know that being slimmer makes you more confident but I am happy with you as you are.'

Wonderful words, supportive, encouraging, loving. So why don't I settle for that? Rejoice and find confidence in my husband's love. 

A conundrum.

Danger Day 1

GrandChildren with us for tea so that meant fighting the urge to eat leftover pizza - or even crusts. More or less stood firm and only ate 2 of the Giant Buttons they had for a treat.

My strength of will is partly due to the ulcer I have on the side of my tongue, making eating - and talking - painful. An aside: have you ever tried catching your tongue to put bonjela on it? Don't bother.

Not much exercise today plus my FitBit needed charging mid-day so poor scores but not too bad eating wise.

Food Diary
2 weetabix
1 murray mint
left-over roast veg and cheese
2 buttons
a few Cheerios
tiny bit of pizza cheese and crust
noodles
stir fry veg
stir fry prawns

FitBit (at 10.07 pm)
3,170 steps
1.33 miles
1,420 calories

And so it begins

One day in May six years ago I lumbered onto the bathroom scales ... and jumped off again in horror. Tentatively I stuck a toe on and braved it again. It hadn't been a mistake: I did weigh more than I had ever done in my life. And that includes pregnancy.

At 5' 4" and 10 st 11 lbs I was one and half stone over the recommended weight for my height. I decided that was enough and took myself off to the nearest Rosemary Conley class.

A few years earlier I'd joined Slimming World and followed quite successfully the red and green day diet but the idea of an exercise class combined with a weigh-in struck me as a good one so I signed up.

By February 2011, about nine months after starting, I was receiving my Two Stone badge and at 8 st 11 lbs weighed less than I had since being a teenager. And people had noticed. Men especially. Who told me to 'stop losing weight!' 'Women are supposed to have curves.'

Today I look like this.

At 10 st 6 lb (body fat 34.3%) I know I'm not enormous. I can still get into size 12 clothes (just about) and I'm comparatively fit (if you compare me to an unfit woman of my age), but I hate the sight of the flab around my belly and on my hips. What I should do, of course, is show you a photo of it but there are limits.

The Rosemary Conley class has ceased to be but I have all the books and know how much of what I should eat so, in theory, I should be able to go it alone. Which is what I've been saying each week over the last five years as my weight has very gradually edged up and up. The rate of increase has speeded up and I suspect that there isn't a maximum at which it will settle but that, one day, unless I do something now I'll realise that I'm 20 st and rising.

So, to the point of this blog. The incentive about going to a class is the public humiliation if you fail to lose or - horror - put on. Now I know it's all done privately and no-one is embarrassed by the teacher but you inevitably get into conversation comparing weight change with other members of the class so it is vaguely public. Or as public as you'll let it be. Doing it for yourself lacks that vital aspect.

So I came up with the idea of this blog. A flab and all expose of my progress as well as a look at my bad - and good - habits and how I can change my way of thinking. And a mini eating diary.

You'll notice that for dinner today I ate macaroni cheese. Now I know that's not a good way to start a diet but I've been craving it since reading about it in where the elite meet to eat and, also, we didn't have any other food in the house.

Food Diary

2 weetabix, semi-skimmed milk, 1 teaspoon sugar

1 glacier fruit (20 cals - I just checked)

2 boiled eggs, 2 ryvita liberally spread with butter

5 cherry tomatoes

6 raspberries, some cheese when grating

Macaroni cheese and salad

I'll probably - almost certainly - have a banana when watching Wallander later.

(If you read that diary carefully you may get an idea of some of my bad habits that I'll write about more fully in future.)

FitBit (at 20.35)

10,154 steps

4.25 miles

1,724 calories burned