I realise I am promoting the lie that you can't be gorgeous if you're overweight, which of course is nonsense. Gorgeousness doesn't depend on how much you weigh.
Gorgeousness is internal and shines out of us. It's not a spotlight that is put on us when we reach a certain target weight. It's about how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. I know I can.
And that self-criticism can be a heavy burden that can cloud our gorgeousness - because if the world knew what I'm really like, what I eat when no-one's looking, well, I can feel myself retreating into my tin of biscuits as I write.
I read an interesting article when I was waiting in the optician's recently. It suggested giving your inner critic a name and talking back to her/him when she/he starts on you. It also suggested asking yourself if you would say to a friend the things you say to yourself. Would you say to a friend, for example, 'You're fat and horrible and a waste of space'? Of course you wouldn't. So why say it to yourself?
Does anyone else come back from weigh-in and gorge on the grounds that you've got a whole week to make up for it?
I shall be glad when this tin is empty. The fact that they're 'thins' fools me into eating lots of them.
At weigh-in I'd lost one pound. Still one and a half to go until I reach target. I'm back where I was on December 20th - when my twelve week option ran out. I keep telling myself it's not worth paying for another twelve weeks as I'll be at target soon - but at this rate ...
Also I'm being a bit lax because when I weigh naked (at home) I'm on target and that fact has affected my mind set.
That and the nearly empty box of biscuits sitting on the desk beside me.
I just checked my BMI and ideal weight according to the NHS website: I am just about perfect! Right in the middle of what is a healthy weight/BMI. That is if I am 5'5". If I'm 5'4" - and I'm never sure what I am - then I'm still fine.
However if I look at Weight Loss Resources website I am just about in the overweight category. Could it be they have a vested interest in convincing me I'm overweight?
When I was still a newbie I asked in Wednesday afternoon's Slimming World group for advice about getting speed into meals. Grace suggested adding spinach to everything.
It works!
My left-over spag bol was looking a little pasta heavy until I added the spinach. My bolognese sauce is actually very veg-biased with onions, celery, carrot, courgette and tomatoes.
Out walking with George, my dog, I noticed the sign outside the garage advertising a meal deal: sandwiches, crisps and a drink.
'Oh,' I said to George, 'I could just eat a sandwich. A nice egg and mayonnaise one with a packet of cheese crisps.'
We walked on a bit.
'Or a prawn and mayonnaise baguette,' I continued.
We crossed the road to the beach.
'Or tuna mayonnaise.'
George said, 'In fact anything with mayonnaise.'
'Um,' I tried to think of anything that wouldn't have tasted good at that point. 'Yes.'
I thought I'd hop on the scales this morning to see if I'd made any progress. A bit disappointing as I was much the same but then again I have eaten: a large box of Maltesers, two chocolates off the Christmas tree, a number of toffees and loads of ginger thins (they're thins for goodness sake, how many syns can there be in them?)
Must try harder.
Last night's dinner was good though. Pork tenderloin on a bed of apples and onions served with mashed potato, carrots, sprouts, and garlicky courgettes and mushrooms. A blob of marg in the mash but apart from that syn-free.
Not the most attractively served but yummy nevertheless.
As expected I had gained one and a half pounds at weigh-in. Since then I've eaten the bulk - Husband ate a few - of a large box of Maltesers. I have two boxes left but I hereby resolve not to open those until I reach my target weight.
I'm only two and a half pounds off it but those last few pounds are proving to be most difficult. Can I do it by next Wednesday? Almost certainly ... not. My weight loss has been steady rather than spectacular. If I lose a pound in a week I'm pleased. But we shall see.
Will I be determined enough? Or will my will power weaken when I get peckish/bored/depressed?
My first exercise class - I had to leave the Slimming World session early to get there on time - was flipping hard work. It's a Legs, Bums and Tums class and, because most of the regulars are students and not back at college yet, I was the only participant.
The last thing Husband said to me before I set off for class was, 'Don't overdo it now,' bearing in mind I had an operation before Christmas. But you know what it's like: it's just you and the teacher and you don't want to be put to shame so you try to keep up and overdo it. (Not that I could keep up with the lunges; I kept wobbling over.)
One of the exercises for the glutes (bum to you and me) is this frog exercise. Lie flat, feet together and legs apart - as the doctor says when about to do an internal exam, 'Just let your knees flop out,' then lift and lower, lift and lower.
It looks obscene and is hard to do. But this exercise is just impossible.
If you can get your knees that high above the floor I salute you!
Today every action is painful.
If I just sit here I'm fine but ask me to move, walk, go up stairs or, worst of all, pick something up from the floor, 'Do I have to? Could it just stay on the floor for a few days? I'll pick it up on Sunday.'
Fiddle, I've just noticed three Maltesers on my desk. Do I:
a) throw them away;
b) give them to Husband;
c) save them for the grandchildren;
d) eat them myself?
Answers on a postcard - or in the Comments - please.
The first after Christmas. I could have gone last Wednesday but it was Nuora's birthday party tea, complete with salted caramel pavlova made by Daughter.
So I await weigh-in with something approaching dread. I have not eaten as much as I do most Christmases. I resisted the urge to buy any large tubs of Quality Street or Heroes (and again yesterday I was strong even though they were reduced in price!) and we didn't have much chocolate in general.
My real downfall came in the form of cheese and vegetables roasted in oil - as opposed to my usual frylight. And most delicious it all was.
I confess I weighed on our scales yesterday morning - Tuesday morning is traditionally when Husband and I weigh - and I had gained one and a half pounds approximately, but last time I tried it varied a lot from the slimming world scales so I am a little anxious as I say. It feels like a lot more!
Anyway, this evening I intend to go straight from slimming world weigh-in to a new exercise class, Legs, Bums and Tums. It's led by Hannah, who took our gentle exercise class and I very much enjoyed her instruction, if not the exercise itself. I am never likely to become a fitness fanatic.
